When I was young, I always thought that I will marry someone I love, someone who I got the chance to know him at least for couple of years, probably my first love during high school. In the society where it is normal to see Muslim man & woman going out together, holding hands, share their feelings towards each other and other romantic stuffs they might consider; I had the same perception that having a relationship with another man before marriage is okay.
A philosophy we get from the West is that someone should get married because of love. We watch too much movies & read too much novels which promote the idea of having true love even before getting married.
But little did we know, Allah has revealed many ayahs in the Quran saying about relationship before marriage. One of them is this:
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. [Al-Isra’ verse 32]
When I started to come back to embrace Islam fully (still improving myself), I realized that relationship before marriage is just a fantasy, false idea of a true love. It is not just because we might get hurt when the love is gone or the other person tends to break the relationship, but the morality of a Muslim is being questioned when one deny the ayahs of the Quran by approaching zina.
Truthfully, I did pray that He will not put me in a relationship before marriage. I wanted a clean,halal method to enter marriage. When people asked me when I will get married, my answer would be, “When I’ll meet him, I’ll go straight to marriage.”
Words we say are du’a to Allah. Even we should ask people we know to actually make du’a for us. Allah is the Al-Wadood, the Loving. He loves us so much that He wanted happiness in our lives. But He puts some tests first before He showered us with rewards. Then, Allah granted everyone’s and my du’a to finally experience the halal method in looking for spouse. Alhamdulillah.
Matchmaking is one of the ways to finding a life partner. But the Islamic way of matchmaking is not like how we see in the West which is also known as blind date. In Islam, a man seeks for a wife with 4 conditions; her beauty, her wealth, her family and her religion. But the most important criteria must be the religion first above anything. Same goes to woman. I totally have that one thing on my mind when I first thought of seeking for a husband, his religion. He might not be a pious man, but he is striving to be a good slave of Allah and a better Muslim.
One tip to share to single Muslims out there, do tell people you know and trusted, to look for a good candidate for you. There is a big chance that the person you know might know someone suitable and introduce him or her to you. In this case, a close friend of mine was approached by a lady who was looking for a suitable Muslim woman to be a wife to her husband’s friend, who is my husband now. When my friend knows that I was looking for a husband, she confidently introduced me to that lady and we started to communicate to proceed with the matchmaking process.
Starting with a photo and a simple resume of the man, I made istikharah prayers to ask for Allah’s guidance in making the decision. Alhamdulillah, I felt no doubt with this man so I agreed for a taaruf (meeting) with him. The taaruf was held at a place where we were accompanied by married couple at one table. It was a session where self introduction is made and both of us were comfortably communicating for about two hours.
The next day, we decided to proceed further.
Cut the long story short, we then planned for the wedding when both families agreed to the marriage. Many people asked how I can select someone I don’t know to be my husband. It is simple. Trust Allah and His plans. I might not know if he is going to be a good husband to me but I have my full trust in Allah. I don’t simply choose someone just to get married but I marry him because of Allah. When a person is well mannered and put Islam first in everything he does, no doubt he can take care of you just like how he takes care of his religion.
I remember what Sheikh Daood Buttt once said in a marriage seminar not long ago that when you are about to get married to someone, take note that he is the only person you will spend your whole life with. Do not compare him or her with anyone else as he or she must be the only person you ever know. Accept his or her flaws, he or she is not perfect and so are you.
It has been few months since our marriage but Alhamdulillah He granted us with so much love. The love after marriage is something beautiful, I sincerely cherished it every day.
May Allah grants you with righteous spouses and avoid getting involved in relationship before marriage. Know your goal as a Muslim, Jannah.
Read more of Nadiah Rosli’s writings at Purplelurve.